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Author: Erin

COVID, week 3 & the broken record plays (again)

COVID, week 3 & the broken record plays (again)

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If you thought I sounded like a broken record before, wait ‘til we get through all of this COVID stuff! I imagine I’ll be repeating myself for the foreseeable future, but who knows. Why not write about it all as it’s playing out? (I convinced my eldest to do the same, partially for the academic component but also partially, or really more, for her to process everything). Serious question though — in the absence of all the usual obligations (physically going to work [that is, if you’re not an “essential worker,” but if you are, a million thanks for all you do every day], or school, or practices, or the usual weekday or weekend commitments), how do you keep track of which day it is? Some days “feel” a certain way, sure, but they’re beginning to blend together some… 

We’ve had some stuff change around here pertaining to COVID-19, and since last week — or actually since Sunday morning, when I finally posted my last week’s ruminations — I have kept a laundry list of stuff I wanted to talk about. It makes for an incohesive essay, but the disorganization is probably an accurate depiction of the emotional whiplash I feel like I’m navigating every day (anyone else)? More: 

No more (physical) school through the end of the school-year. This isn’t much of a surprise, since there had been rumblings about it for a few weeks now, but at Governor Newsom’s press conference today, he said that California schoolkids won’t be physically returning to class this school-year. He has stressed that school is most definitely in session, and to that end, he talked about how the State of CA is partnering with Google to bring 100k Chromebooks and hotspots to schools and communities to help bridge the digital divide throughout the state. The Google partnership makes my husband super proud for all the obvious reasons, but shit, I won’t lie: knowing that I’m *officially* more or less responsible for teaching my kids (and my eldest, in particular) for the foreseeable future is intimidating. 

On a near-daily basis, my feelings related to COVID in general and to schooling my two kids — the other who will begin kindergarten in the fall — oscillates between yeah it’s cool I got this I taught college kids before I can do elementary to f f f f f I don’t know what the f I’m doing they’re screwed they’re gonna be so behind (and down the spiral I go). I know I’m not alone in this trepidation and feelings of inadequacy, but I’m not feeling any strength in numbers here. We’re all flying blind, and it’s hard. It’s most definitely not an insult to my kids’ teachers — they’re wonderful and are doing the best they can — as much as it is an honest admission that none of us have been through something like this before. Rationally, I know that I don’t need to worry about my kids being “behind” come autumn because everyone else will be in the same boat, yet emotionally it’s still hard to navigate. I’m managing my own ever-changing feelings with reality against those of my children, while helping them to gain some perspective (nearly impossible for a four year-old, btw), and yeah, it’s just hard. We’re all in this together. I tell myself that repeatedly because eventually, I’ll listen to myself. 

(Quick aside just to say that from what I can tell, my eldest is enjoying “mom school” and seems to be perfectly content with how everything is rolling. The youngest is more mercurial, but she’s also four, so I think that’s more likely to be expected. This is all probably more a reflection of my [and all of our] feelings of uncertainty and unsettledness than anything. Control that which you can, right? I can’t do anything about keeping my medical siblings or parents or strangers or anyone else safe [aside from the aforementioned social distancing, staying at home, and the like] but I can kinda sorta control my kids’ education, so… ). 

Santa Clara County has tightened and lengthened shelter-in-place orders. In the past week, both SCC and Gov. Newsom have formally announced that SIP orders have been extended, and they tightened the already-existing SIP orders to basically forbid anyone from going out in public for essential activities with people with whom they don’t reside. In other words, yes, go outside to exercise and get fresh air, but don’t do it with people with whom you don’t reside at all. My guess is that too many people were not following the six-foot social distancing rules. For me personally, it means that Janet and I can’t run together any longer, regardless if we maintain a six-foot radius, but I completely get it. It’s not the end of the world (obviously). I really hope people abide by it and that the city and county aren’t forced to continue closing parks because people are being idiots.

if you squint, you can see downtown SJ dead center

What’s the other side going to look like? There is an untold amount of tragedy and suffering that will result from this pandemic, and as many experts are attesting now and will surely later attest, our actions early on could have helped mitigate this pandemic differently. That’s not what I’m talking about here, though. As a result of the SIP orders across our country, I’m intrigued to see how people’s habits change and more than that, if said habits stick. The first two areas that come to mind are diet and exercise. For so long, our society has been known for having sub-par diets (lots of fast food, not enough cooking at home, you know the rest) and for not moving our bodies enough or at all. What a strange experiment we find ourselves in now, though, in that many of us are at home more now than ever before — thus begetting more opportunities to prepare our own food — and one of the only times we’re allowed to leave is to exercise. What’s our health going to look like in six months-year from now? Are we on the verge of having a running boom? Is a baby boom imminent? There are obviously a TON of elements at play here, and much of this is rooted in the various positions of privilege we hold, yet I find it a fascinating thought experiment. Anyone else?  

On occupying time and settling mental unrest: We can’t be doing all work and no play all the time right now, right? What have you been reading/watching/listening to? Here are some that come to mind for us: 

  • Watching: Onward was excellent (didn’t cry, surprisingly, and I love that G is a main character in the film! Different spelling but whatev). Oh, and did you catch that I Heart Radio YouTube special the other night? I specifically told my family we should watch so we could see Billie Joe Armstrong sing, and it was hard not to laugh at all the other artists casually singing over Zoom (or whatever) with their bandmates as they were all sitting in their mega-opulent mansions, private pools, and the like (eyeroll). Hearing and seeing the Backstreet Boys took me straight back to high school! 
  • Reading: I’m on my last library book (that I’m putting off starting), and I don’t enjoy reading e-books, so I thought it was a good time to start the Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s Guide collection. A little reprieve and silliness can go a long way right now. It’s been on our shelf for a long time now, so it seems as good a time as any to start. I typically exclusively read non-fiction, but I think I need a break at the moment.
  • Cooking: Being at home more than usual has meant way more cooking. Recipes I can recall include the Run Fast Eat Slow fartlek chili with tempeh; the Thai coconut carrot soup, cowboy caviar, and roasted eggplant pasta dishes from Budget Bytes; and one pot mujadara, black bean tacos with spicy onions, and mushroom quesadillas from the NYT cooking app. Nothing particularly fancy, but I make it, and then it lasts for days. Win. (Of course, this is in addition to the chocolate chip pancakes, corn dogs, mac and cheese, and other glamorous meals I’ll make because kids). 
  • Coloring (sure): My kids would color all day, so I found this intense coronavirus coloring page for them (intense because it’s so intricate!). As I found this, I went down some rabbithole and learned that apparently Etsy has forbidden vendors from making any sales on COVID or coronavirus-related stuff at all, even if it’s intended for educational purposes. Interesting…    
  • Listening: Every Monday for the foreseeable future, Billie Joe Armstrong is releasing a cover on the Green Day YouTube channel, and they are amazing! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to/watching his video for “I Think We’re Alone Now.” It’s fantastic. 
  • Running: At this point, running just for running’s sake is pretty dang awesome. No marathons on the calendar. No races at all at this point, actually. Happy to simply be building the base and getting strong (209.2 miles/10,180’ climbing for January; 257.8 miles/12,520’ for February; and 251.1 miles/12,428’ climbing for March). That’s a lot of running on this side of town.   

Milestone tomorrow! Nothing like turning the big 4-0 in the midst of a pandemic. While our original plans obviously aren’t happening — returning to SF to see the Book of Mormon for a second time — the girls and I have been scheming for a few weeks as we plan to give C a memorable day. HBD to my main squeeze on Thursday! Raincheck on the musical. 

hard at work for their dad’s birthday

Sending love. I imagine I’m not the only one who feels pretty helpless with all of this going on. Aside from washing my hands prolifically, not going out except for essential activities, and making sure the kiddos do the same, I feel like I have very little to contribute. Instead, I’ve been trying to channel that nervous energy into reaching out to my friends, family, and people in our community to see how everyone’s doing. Again, I’m not changing the world when I text or Duo with my parents or my medical siblings or anything like that, but as a fellow human being, I know that it simply *feels* nice to know that someone is looking out for you and thinking about you. It’s cheesy, but it’s true. Just out of the blue on Sunday, my cousin called me simply to check-in, and it was really nice. A simple gesture like that can go a long way. That’s my unsolicited advice this week: go call or videochat with someone. It may make that person’s day (and yours).  

nine-way Skype HH calls with my BFFs from undergrad (some not pictured). judging from my expression, we were talking about something displeasing. (why didn’t we think of doing this sooner?)

stay safe, and be well. xo

COVID, week 2 & people are baffling sometimes

COVID, week 2 & people are baffling sometimes

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Much as I had predicted in last week’s writings, last week feels like a decade+ ago, and each week right now seems like it’s at least a year, maybe a couple years, long. (There’s research to support the claim that when you’re in the thick of something undesirable, time takes on new and paradoxical dimensions. Hat-tip to the Growth Equation newsletter for the link).

So what can I add to the ongoing, mildly dumpster-fire conversation about how COVID has upended all of our lives? My hot-take attempts: 

Races *should* be canceling, and no, they don’t owe you or me anything, including refunds or deferrals, at all. Races have a social, public health, and dare I say moral responsibility to be canceling right now — particularly if they were set to happen anytime in the next couple months — and I would surmise that even races set to occur in the autumn may not come to fruition. Hell, maybe this will be the year of no racing in the interest of the public good; who knows. As athletes, sure, it’s frustrating to train and work hard to race as fast and strong as we can, and it absolutely stinks that when races cancel, we don’t have anywhere “to put forth,” for lack of a better phrase, our fitness that we worked so hard to gain. (Related: Mountains to Beach Marathon finally announced their cancellation this week. A new date or plan hasn’t yet been announced).

Here’s the thing though: race directors are canceling their races because they’re following orders from county (or state, or national, or global) health authorities. It would be disastrous and irresponsible for the races to go forth as planned. I think most runners would agree with me that races shouldn’t be occurring right now or for the foreseeable future. 

Where my opinion isn’t shared with many, however, is that I am adamant that RDs who have to cancel (or postpone) their races don’t owe their runners anything. As I’ve seen more and more races having to cancel because of the pandemic, it seems like some runners are misdirecting their rage at RDs and think that they’re somehow entitled to a deferral or refund; worst yet, if RDs don’t offer their runners cash back, somehow those RDs are greedy or irresponsible or shitty at their jobs. I encourage runners who disagree with me to read these wonderful accounts from RDs. There is no money left to give you — unless you prefer that RDs/race organizations go bankrupt and there is no more (insert race of choice here) in 2021 or beyond. Many races are operated by very small teams or organizations or non-profits — not mega huge corporations — so it’s disingenuous to assume that RDs are secretly sitting on a pile of cash from all their runners. The cash is gone, friends. I think it’s that simple. For more on the subject:  

the new norm

Everyone’s stressed/nervous/whatever and (hopefully) has coping mechanisms to deal, but common sense and civility is still worth a damn. With California’s statewide Shelter-in-Place order, not a whole ton has changed in our day-to-day since last week. Fortunately, we are still allowed to run (or more generally, exercise outdoors), but the onus is on us, individually, to maintain the six-feet social distance radius. Janet and I have continued to run together a few times a week, at least six feet apart (it makes it hard to hear sometimes, but it’s easily rectifiable by repeating yourself a thousand times), typically early in the morning. 

The other day as we were vacating Alum Rock (*before 3/27, when the city closed the park indefinitely) around ~7am, we were running single-file on the path, on the correct side for outbound pedestrian traffic, and two older-adult hikers, using hiking poles, were on the same shared path as us entering the park. Janet and I couldn’t have been further away from these hikers — we would have been literally in the bushes — and frustratingly, instead of the hikers moving away from us (as we did from them), they stayed in the dead-center of the path and threw their poles up in the air, perpendicular from their bodies as Janet was passing them, screaming “SOCIAL DISTANCE!!!” Luckily, Janet didn’t get speared or otherwise become a human shish-kabob, but it was nonetheless baffling that somehow the hikers seemed to assert that we were wrong to pass them, single file, more than six feet away, and to “defend” themselves they instituted a hiking-pole radius around them. Literally taking two lateral steps in the opposite direction from us — just as we had done from them — would have sufficed.  

In other news, a couple days later as I was running on a major street here in town, also around the 7 o’clock hour, I was standing at a stoplight waiting to cross eastbound to head into the hills. While I was standing at the light, a gentleman in a red Camaro directly in front of me, heading south, caught my eye as he was making all manner of sexually suggestive motions my way. I didn’t give him the time of day — just another dumbshit who obviously gets a thrill out of harassing female runners — yet soon after his light turned green, he drove through the intersection, pulled a U-turn, and proceeded back my way. I was baffled — like this surely couldn’t be happening — yet indeed, the same guy went out of his way to turn his car around to again situate himself in front of me (as I was still waiting for the light to come on) to continue to making sexually suggestive motions in my direction. He very slowly drove northbound, and my heart stopped when he indicated he was going to turn; thankfully, he pulled into a side street and didn’t pay me a third visit. The entire time I ran east, for the next mile+, the image of the red Camaro and the dude were seared in my mind. 

down with coronavirus … and crappy, harassing motorists (drawing c/o my 4 year-old)

I don’t typically talk about my experiences with dumb-shit motorists who harass me on the run because I can usually shake it off and just allow it amount to nothing. I think this experience was a little jarring simply because of the high-anxiety backdrop we’re all living in at the moment. We’re not supposed to run in large groups anymore, so does that mean by running solo (for our health and that of the world) we are potentially compromising our individual safety? 

The world may feel a little weird right now, and people are on high alert and worried that they or someone they love will fall victim to this insidious, microscopic virus … but rest assured that there are still dumbfucks out there who will go out of their way to harass people simply because they can. Ugh. On that note, mere days into this COVID-19-induced SIP I noticed that people were still spray-paint graffiting penises on sound walls in my part of the city; maybe some people’s coping mechanisms are simply superior to others’. 

Another reading recommendation to help you remember pre-COVID life: While coronavirus is scary and unknown and somewhat all-consuming right now, sometimes it’s hard to remember that there was a shitstorm of bad stuff going on in our lives before all of this erupted. I recently finished Nick Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn’s new book, Tightrope, and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s not exactly fun reading — par for the course for most topics of theirs — but it’s important that we remember a huge segment of society whose lives will be/are being even more upended when all of this coronavirus stuff is behind us. (I felt gutted when I read Nick’s recent column this week that said the last Knapp child just died of an overdose).

Keep hangin’ and say thank you. Last thing — and a proud mom moment. My siblings are in health care, and I’ve talked with my girls about how we’re all staying home right now so that lots of people won’t get needlessly sick and perhaps die. I’ve also explained, as best I can, that only certain places are open — the super important stores and facilities — to also minimize risk and exposure. In the past week I had to drop-off items to the post office, and my eldest insisted that I wait 20 minutes so that she and her sister could make signs for the workers. I dropped-off the finished products, and the next time I had to return, I noticed the PO employees had hung them up. Thank you to all of our many essential employees right now, both near and far. 

Take care, stay safe, and be well. xo