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Tempering

Tempering

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More often than not, I tend to ramble on about The Process — capitalization for emphasis, clearly — with marathon training and the inherent joy and challenge of going through it and coming out on the other side. The Process, the grind, the daily showing up when you don’t always feel like it for whatever real or perceived reason, is part of how we grow as athletes and as human beings. It’s that whole “if it were easy, everyone would be doing it” thing. 

Knowing all that, I tend to hold tight to the value of fairly low expectations for myself. I may have a very vague idea of what I could possibly do on any given day, but it’s exceedingly rare that I go into a race, a workout, or even just a plain ol’ training run with an abundance of confidence about what’s going to happen. Will I fail spectacularly? Will this all go over without a hitch? No idea either way. Won’t know unless (and until) I try. 

That’s a good enough reason, most of the time, to get me out the door to see what’s possible.

I was thinking about all this stuff recently, after my eldest’s swim meet over the weekend and after reading this article from Matt Fitzgerald about his upcoming 100k. I can’t pretend to know what must be running through Matt’s head as he attempts his longest race ever, with a lot of extenuating circumstances that hamstrung his training and his ability to have a minimal-suffering race. His attitude is awesome though — show up, be there for it, and just see how it goes — and this characteristic is one that I’ve been trying mightily to foster in my own approach to my training. 

My eldest’s meet over the weekend also got me thinking about this stuff because she raced very well for her with what I’m pretty sure were fairly non-existent expectations. Of late, she has been drawn to the 500 (500!!) freestyle and has been racing it as often as it’s available in competition; they also fairly routinely do it during practice each week, too. She had been sitting at a certain time for the past 3 or 4 attempts, plus or minus a couple seconds, and she seemed really satisfied by it and happy with the consistent effort she had been putting out. On Sunday though, she took off a solid 20 seconds from her time — 20 seconds! — and when I told her her finish time after she hit the wall (the wall is good to hit in swimming…not so much in running, I know), she was FLOORED, so happy she was nearly in tears. She probably never thought she could do that, or make that huge a jump … until she did. 

radiating joy

As her mom and as an athlete, it was such a joy to witness her realization firsthand.

It is comparably joyful to see how she has become attuned to the beauty of The Process and to watch it unfold night after night at practice and week after week at meets. 

Tempering our high-achieving standards for ourselves with a heaping dose of humble pie, and who knows what will happen? It may not be so bad.

It may, in fact, be far sweeter than we could have imagined. 

Plans and catching-up

Plans and catching-up

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I suppose March is as good a time as any to (hopefully) resume writing regularly, dare I say even predictably, in this space. It’s the same ol’ song and dance with me: I have a lot of ideas for topics but limited time (don’t we all), but when push comes to shove, when the opportunity to write arises, I choose to do other things. Sometimes I wonder if I were to make some sort of writing “schedule,” as in new post every Wednesday!, for example, then maybe I’d feel more compelled to share my musings on a more predictable basis … and then, alas, the wind blows a different direction, and my mind changes. C’est la vie.

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in the hills above home, early December

So, March. 2019. Looking back, it was my intention to write a 2018 year-end summary, an annual report, recounting the year’s travails and successes, but eventually, disinterest to reflect and navel-gaze won out; this is why I’m not much of a journaler. Suffice it to say that 2018 was pretty awesome in the “inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear” denotation of the word. Having a stroke at the ripe age of 34, without any warning or any risk factors, has a good way of shaking your soul for a while thereafter and fundamentally challenging how you view life and its minutiae, as well as reminding you to be even more grateful for every breath you get to take and mile you get to run. (Related: Megan and David Roche’s The Happy Runner hits on this subject hard, and I have a book report about it already written in my head that I’d like to share). Ultimately — fortunately — life resumed, as though nothing ever happened on 2/4, and in the rest of 2018, I ran a couple (disappointing) marathons, countless other race distances, my first Wharf to Wharf (earning that top 100 jacket), and about 2,020 miles before taking time off after CIM.

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on my 5 year Californiaversary (it’s a thing), I ran in Nisense Marks for the first time with ~10 other women. It was *lovely*.

 

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^^ said women at Nisene Marks. (Sorry for the random arrow on your shoulder that I couldn’t remove, Connie).

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Back in the hills high above home, post-CIM, post holidays, back-into-lightly-training while these two train for Boston (J) and a crazy mountaineering adventure in Nepal (S) … I’m the slacker enthusiastically along for the ride in January and February.

Three months into 2019, I think I can say with certainty that my running is better than where it was this time last year, though still being challenged differently. For the first time in a few years, I’ve decided to train for a spring marathon (Mountains to Beach, Memorial Day weekend), which allowed Coach Lisa and me to begin “lightly” training in January and February. Originally, my plan was to pace the 3:35 marathoners at Modesto at the end of March first, before going all-in for MTB training, and then Old Man Winter, or Mother Nature, or The Many Bugs With Which My Children Come Into Contact threw a hearty wrench in my plans, leaving me sick for four solid weeks and missing four long runs in six weeks’ time. As much as I can recall, I missed about 15-20 days of training in February, which is basically like the entire month. Damn. No more pacing gig — I did the responsible thing and bowed out — so here we are, beginning of March, with about 12 weeks ‘til MTB. Let’s roll.

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at the 2019 408k here in SJ with the fam bam. the kids both did the kids’ race (and loved it), I ran the 8k after being sick (but in denial about it) for a week, and we got rained on. It was quite a morning but remains my fav local race.

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feeling pretty awful at the 408k but trying to make the most of it; I started off at 8k pace and spiraled to recovery pace by the end because I felt so bad, ugh. I hadn’t run this race since 2014, so I was super bummed that I was sick but was too stubborn to admit that I shouldn’t try to race it. Lesson learned. (PC: Janet)

 

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quick weekend down to Disney before our passes expire; if memory serves, I was sick for about 2 weeks by then 😛

My schedule is a bit prohibitive between now and MTB, which means that I’ll likely only really race once (SV Half) before the big day, but I’m confident that we’ll be able to make it work. In the interim, non-running life is hoppin’ as always between the girls and their stuff, C and his, and that of our family, so some days it feels like the victory is simply fitting in the run in the first place. It’s a good challenge to have and a delicious one to conquer.

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filed under “labor of love”: Girl Scouts

I’m not sure if I have the interest right now to post monthly summaries and training recaps as I did in 2018, but hey, if the people want it, I’ll try to deliver (related: soliciting writing prompts… send ‘em over, por fa’).

Training cycles are always adventures in their own rite, and I think we’re about to embark on a good one.

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We learned how to change a tube when she was on break from school, and I think she’ll be learning to ride pretty soon. (Like her big sis did, she doesn’t have much interest in using a balance bike first). Also, she loves rainbows, evidenced by her wardrobe choice.

Postscript:

If you like to read, there’s a lot of great stuff out there right now. Here’s my end of 2018/beginning of 2019 book list so far, nearly all of which I’d recommend: The Happy Runner (review forthcoming); The Incomplete Book of Running; Small Fry; Running is My Therapy; Never Give Up, Never Give In; Dopesick; My Year of Rest and Relaxation (it was terrible); Beautiful Boy; Atomic Habits; Maid; Tweak; Futureface; Becoming. There’s a lot of running lit coming out in the next couple months, too, most of which looks excellent.