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The race that wasn’t

The race that wasn’t

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What I wrote to my running group tonight, as I was sitting on a friend’s bed in Brooklyn:

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Greetings from Brooklyn (Williamsburg)!  This is long; hang in there.

So yeah, suffice it to say things were a bit odd earlier.  I got into the city somewhat adventurously (by way of Newark plus two trains, one of which was repeatedly cancelled… then it showed up after being cancelled…) and just went straight to the expo from Penn Station.  I picked up my stuff, and the volunteer told me that the SI ferry was back in business–news to me, which was great bc that meant I wouldn’t have to catch a 4:30 bus in Manhattan–so I got all of that stuff figured out.

Maybe 20 minutes later (and 20 is probably a stretch) a woman in the group said that she had to “grab” her shirt out of a volunteer’s hands bc the volunteer was instructed not to give out anything bc the marathon had been cancelled.  That was especially bizarre bc we all whipped out our smartphones and nothing was on the NYRR site but other places, like ABC, NBC, ESPN (what John sent), etc all were saying as much.  What’s even weirder is that the ENTIRE time we were in the expo, there wasn’t any sort of public announcement.  In fact, the expo was still party central with music pumpin’ and everything.

Of course it’s disappointing to not be able to run (and you all know this, you know what training entails and all the timing, sacrifices, choices, whatever you have to make) and to “lose” the taper, but it’s perspective, right?  One woman in the group of people I was in cried; my reaction wasn’t (isn’t) that visceral.  I’d be lying if I said that I’m bummed I couldn’t do this on my birthday this year (btw, happy birthday, Guerline!!!!) or experience the city, but really, a) there are always other races (we all know that), b) there will always be future NYC marathons, even if they are horrifically expensive, and c) honestly, I still felt conflicted about the whole thing.

This is silly, but I think it’s an appropriate example of the “weirdness” of what this day has been.  Leaving Midway this morning for Newark, I was tryin to size up who else on my Newark flight were runners.  Of course, I was wearing a Boston pull-over from 2010, and when I was working on teaching stuff, I pulled out my laptop with my “marathoner” bumper-sticker adorning it, but I don’t know, it just didn’t feel right.  You recall what it’s like to fly to Boston, and all the marathoners are checking each other out, and people are all intrigued that you’re running and stuff… none of that existed this morning.  It was just… different.  Even though I knew that I, personally, of course had nothing to do with the hurricane or its deleterious effects on the city, I still felt almost guilty– or really, perhaps even ashamed–that I was entering into a city that already had so many issues to deal with.  Sure, my presence, as well as that of the other 40k runners they were expecting, could still bring in the $350mil revenue to the city, but I still felt like I was out of place being here… or rather, COMING here when my presence wasn’t going to do much.

I don’t know why I’m even still thinking about this… probably because I’m conflicted still… but I think it’ll be interesting to see what type of damage control the NYRR will do in the coming days.  Initially, we had until Saturday at 11:59pm to defer to 2013 and have a guaranteed spot.  Now, I don’t know if that will still be the case (or even how they’ll try to handle it).  It’ll be interesting, and no surprise here, NYRR isn’t saying anything on their website right now–just that announcements will be forthcoming.  Whatev.

The silver lining to all of this is that I’m coming back to Milwaukee early on Sunday to make ALL of my friend’s wedding (not just half of her reception), so that will be awesome… and it’s likely that I’ll hook up with a friend and her bf tomorrow and volunteer with some of the relief efforts.  And hell, it’s no 26.2, but I’ve got my running gear… might as well take a running tour of Brooklyn tomorrow.  I’ll just try not to get lost.

Thanks for all the encouraging emails and thoughts over the past few days.  I don’t think I’ve been a basketcase necessarily, but I also know I’ve been thinking about the implications of me doin this marathon FAR MORE than I think about me doing other marathons.  You guys are the best.  Houston’s really not THAT far away at this point (1/13), but we’ll see.  Maybe I can find something relatively local and low-key between now and then for a test run, much as I was going to treat NYC.  We’ll see.

Thanks guys, and talk to you soon.  Sorry for the rambling.
E

Bring it

Bring it

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In my previous post, the one that apparently took me the entire summer to write, I quickly stated that I wasn’t sure what my NYC plans were–what magic I wanted to run for my marathon #18, and on my birthday, no less–but I think I finally got the motivation I needed to a) be real with myself, b) admit aloud what I’ve been marinating over for several months and c) just say f-it and go balls to the walls.

My plan? Have nearly as good a race in NYC as I did in April, and go for a 3:35-3:40.

My training has been strong, my speedwork solid, my races good, and right now anyway, the weather looks favorable.  It appears that I’ll be missing Frankenstorm, though I might get rained on a lil on marathon Sunday.

As you might recall, April’s Christie Clinic Marathon brought me a 3:34, a new PR (by about three minutes, one that apparently took four years and a pregnancy to shatter), as well as my fifth BQ.  Urbana-Champaign was a relatively flat course, with just some periodic rollers, so it was leaps and bounds different from what I’ll be experiencing in NYC… or so I’ve been told.

My thinking for shooting for a 3:35-3:40 in NYC is that lowballing myself a lil will prepare me to really go after that which I’m seeking most in 2013… and this is what I’ve grappled with admitting for a while.

I’m gonna break 3:30 in 2013. 

Perhaps in Houston in January.

Or maybe at Eugene in April.

Possibly at an as-yet-to-be-decided fall marthon.

But it’s gonna happen.

Any reasonable predictors (technological or personnel, haha) say that I’m capable of it.

I’m ready to see it through, and NYC–a hard course, with a ton of people, with conditions that will probably be more stressful to me than any other course I’ve run in a while–will be a good stepping-stone to it.

What initially get me fired up about this was Matt’s post over at NoMeatAthlete, basically about how if we don’t balls-up (excuse the crude and vulgar language; it’s mine, not his) and really go after what we’re shooting for– really, in a word, to make ourselves vulnerable by telling ourselves AND OTHERS what we want to achieve– we’re shortchanging ourselves and in a way, setting ourselves up for failure.

For whatever reasons that I don’t entirely know or understand right now, Matt’s post really resonated with me.

Perhaps because I wrote about something similar, back in 2010, just a few weeks shy of my third Chicago marathon–the one I ran 10-12 weeks pregnant–when I was still hedging a bit about finally trying to go for 3:35.

In fact, after reading Matt’s post, I arrived home from teaching and put it all out there for my final speedwork session prior to NYC: 10×800 (with an average split of about a 3:23, if memory serves).

And later that night, when I decided to admit to C what I was thinking, he gave me hell because he said it was like I was delivering a sermon or a motivational speech because of how fired up (yet intentional) I was with my delivery.

I’ll post a pre- and post-race vlog on my YT channel, so check it out in the days immediately preceding and after the marathon because chances are, it’ll take me a while to write a decent recap.

Good things are yet to come.  Better things, I should say.