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COVID, week 4 & more of the same

COVID, week 4 & more of the same

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Another week is behind us in this COVID-19 world we’re living in. Not a lot has changed from last week (that I can readily think of) in terms of California’s/the Bay Area’s shelter-in-place orders or remote education through the end of the school-year, though of course the daily (or hourly) news updates assault us all with ongoing existential threats that all but preclude any type of “normalcy” from setting in. We’re all hour-to-hour right now, but it doesn’t make things any easier or less stressful. Strength isn’t always in numbers. 

Actually, now that I think of it a bit more, two new developments come to mind that manifested in the past seven days: (one) the WHO, CDC, and local governments advising that everyone wear masks (of any type) when out and about, performing essential tasks and (two) stores beginning to more stringently crowd-control how many people are shopping indoors at any given time. 

At this point, I can’t speak to the ramifications of the latter because I haven’t been shopping anywhere in the past week. 

As to the former, for me, all it has meant is that I generally don’t leave home for my runs without a balaclava that I can quickly pull over my mouth and nose in the event that I can’t easily get around people I encounter. Admittedly, I feel pretty idiotic wearing a balaclava over my face when I go to the post office to drop-off packages (and where I don’t even interact with anyone or touch any surface) and when I pull it up over my face when I’m running in the proximity of other people. I guess if the government (and respected, reputable health organizations) worldwide are advising that we do this, though, then so be it. These types of recommendations seem to change frequently, so who knows if this will even be relevant next week. Hard telling. 

I sincerely hope that you and yours are all doing well and are staying safe and healthy. We are all riding this wave together, and accompanying our high highs are no doubt low lows. Our respective challenges (and celebrations!) may look different on the surface level, but I think it’s also worth remembering that we are at our best when we recognize our shared humanity. This recognition doesn’t necessarily make anything easier — we can still be sad, or angry, or anxious, or experience whatever the feeling of the moment is — but remembering that we’re all navigating uncertain waters can help center us and bring us back. There is value in being informed and apprised of the latest surrounding all of this, and I’d also argue that there’s also real value in surrounding ourselves — and our very precious mental real estate — with cautious optimism, too. Look for the helpers. Be a helper. Do and be the best you can do and be right now because that’s enough. 

On occupying time and settling mental unrest:     

  • Watching: I don’t remember what inspired us, but we watched The Pink Panther Strikes Again over the weekend. Somewhat remarkably, we watched it from start to finish, and nobody left or fell asleep! It’s silly but a lot of fun for kids (and adults). C and I just realized that we haven’t shown the kids any of the Back to the Future movies yet, so that’s probably up next. 
  • Celebrating: Nothing like turning the big 4-0 in the throes of a pandemic. In the preceding weeks, the kids and I painted more than 40 mostly rainbow-filled signs adorned with messages like “happy 40th birthday, Daddy!”, “40 is the way to be!”, “we love you lots!” and other equally encouraging and uplifting messages. I usually like to post and remove decorations fast, but we decided to keep everything up for the rest of the month, just ‘cuz. 
#thisisforty
  • Failing at: Sewing. I am beyond terrible. T-e-r-r-i-b-l-e. I had been sitting on the idea of getting a sewing machine for a long time, in part because I wanted to learn how to sew-on all the patches and badges A earns from Girl Scouts. Then, everything with COVID happened, and I thought perfect, I’ll learn to sew, do some GS stuff, maybe make some masks, and so on the aspirational thinking went. A little backstory: when I last learned how to use a sewing machine, it was 7th grade, and it took me a solid quarter learning how to thread the damn thing (and literally, I successfully did it for the first time on the last day of our sewing unit, before we switched to cooking and baking). At this point, I can say that I’m at least *a little* more adept than I was as a middle-schooler … but it’s not by much, unfortunately. I know I have to keep working at it, but damn, it’s not easy! I’m so outside my comfort zone here. There’s value in learning new things, absolutely, but seriously… I am horrible!  
  • Running: In the absence of races and being allowed to run my fav local trails, I figure this is as good a time as any to go after all the road hills close to home that I usually don’t run very often. At this point, I’ve traded speedy running workouts with all the hills, and it’s a fun way to start my day, plus I feel like it’s helping me get stronger and faster. My club has a little spiel going on instagram where we’re posting about our #lonewolf runs, so if you’re running solo now, too, hop in on the action and talk about your #lonewolf training. It’s encouraging to see other people doing the same and to give kudos from afar.  
more livestock than people in these parts
I ran in the late morning both on Saturday and Sunday, so she came with. Note the balaclava (since we stopped at the PO). We got rained on both days, but she didn’t mind. It won’t be much longer before she sizes out of the running stroller. 🙁
  • Cooking: We’ve continued to eat at home for virtually all of our meals, which I don’t mind (being vegetarian kinda lends itself to eating at home more often than not). I could eat soup or stew every day of the week and not get bored of it, but in the past week, I only made two: a lentil pumpkin curry stew and a roasted tomato and white bean soup. Otherwise, I made roasted sweet potatoes; chickpea ratatouille (which also makes fantastic taco fillings), and some homemade bread. I see people talking online about comfort foods that they’re consuming in voluminous amounts during the SIP orders, and I think I will forever associate tacos with this time period. I’m certain I’ve consumed more tacos in the past ~month than I have in most of my adulthood. It’s not a bad thing. 
  • Listening: As a result of exclusively running solo now, I’ve re-introduced podcasts into my runs as I feel like it; sometimes I just want to listen to the birds outside, but other times I want to hear humans. Arguably the best one that I’ve heard in recent weeks was the debut episode from the Growth Equation, hosted by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness, who are also the co-writers of the newsletter by the same name that I’ve mentioned in recent weeks. I listened during my Monday morning run, and I really, really enjoyed it. I think I may re-listen to it so I can write about it in more detail later, but if you want to think about how you can navigate “performance” and “well-being” in the backdrop that is the pandemic right now, look no further. I was impressed at how well-done and seamless the episode was — their first! — and genuinely look forward to future episodes. 
  • Watching: Another recommendation but this time for a YouTube series by John Krasinski. The fam and I watched the first episode, and I shamelessly cried a good, uplifting cry. It’s worth it. 

Be safe, and stay well. xo

COVID, week 3 & the broken record plays (again)

COVID, week 3 & the broken record plays (again)

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If you thought I sounded like a broken record before, wait ‘til we get through all of this COVID stuff! I imagine I’ll be repeating myself for the foreseeable future, but who knows. Why not write about it all as it’s playing out? (I convinced my eldest to do the same, partially for the academic component but also partially, or really more, for her to process everything). Serious question though — in the absence of all the usual obligations (physically going to work [that is, if you’re not an “essential worker,” but if you are, a million thanks for all you do every day], or school, or practices, or the usual weekday or weekend commitments), how do you keep track of which day it is? Some days “feel” a certain way, sure, but they’re beginning to blend together some… 

We’ve had some stuff change around here pertaining to COVID-19, and since last week — or actually since Sunday morning, when I finally posted my last week’s ruminations — I have kept a laundry list of stuff I wanted to talk about. It makes for an incohesive essay, but the disorganization is probably an accurate depiction of the emotional whiplash I feel like I’m navigating every day (anyone else)? More: 

No more (physical) school through the end of the school-year. This isn’t much of a surprise, since there had been rumblings about it for a few weeks now, but at Governor Newsom’s press conference today, he said that California schoolkids won’t be physically returning to class this school-year. He has stressed that school is most definitely in session, and to that end, he talked about how the State of CA is partnering with Google to bring 100k Chromebooks and hotspots to schools and communities to help bridge the digital divide throughout the state. The Google partnership makes my husband super proud for all the obvious reasons, but shit, I won’t lie: knowing that I’m *officially* more or less responsible for teaching my kids (and my eldest, in particular) for the foreseeable future is intimidating. 

On a near-daily basis, my feelings related to COVID in general and to schooling my two kids — the other who will begin kindergarten in the fall — oscillates between yeah it’s cool I got this I taught college kids before I can do elementary to f f f f f I don’t know what the f I’m doing they’re screwed they’re gonna be so behind (and down the spiral I go). I know I’m not alone in this trepidation and feelings of inadequacy, but I’m not feeling any strength in numbers here. We’re all flying blind, and it’s hard. It’s most definitely not an insult to my kids’ teachers — they’re wonderful and are doing the best they can — as much as it is an honest admission that none of us have been through something like this before. Rationally, I know that I don’t need to worry about my kids being “behind” come autumn because everyone else will be in the same boat, yet emotionally it’s still hard to navigate. I’m managing my own ever-changing feelings with reality against those of my children, while helping them to gain some perspective (nearly impossible for a four year-old, btw), and yeah, it’s just hard. We’re all in this together. I tell myself that repeatedly because eventually, I’ll listen to myself. 

(Quick aside just to say that from what I can tell, my eldest is enjoying “mom school” and seems to be perfectly content with how everything is rolling. The youngest is more mercurial, but she’s also four, so I think that’s more likely to be expected. This is all probably more a reflection of my [and all of our] feelings of uncertainty and unsettledness than anything. Control that which you can, right? I can’t do anything about keeping my medical siblings or parents or strangers or anyone else safe [aside from the aforementioned social distancing, staying at home, and the like] but I can kinda sorta control my kids’ education, so… ). 

Santa Clara County has tightened and lengthened shelter-in-place orders. In the past week, both SCC and Gov. Newsom have formally announced that SIP orders have been extended, and they tightened the already-existing SIP orders to basically forbid anyone from going out in public for essential activities with people with whom they don’t reside. In other words, yes, go outside to exercise and get fresh air, but don’t do it with people with whom you don’t reside at all. My guess is that too many people were not following the six-foot social distancing rules. For me personally, it means that Janet and I can’t run together any longer, regardless if we maintain a six-foot radius, but I completely get it. It’s not the end of the world (obviously). I really hope people abide by it and that the city and county aren’t forced to continue closing parks because people are being idiots.

if you squint, you can see downtown SJ dead center

What’s the other side going to look like? There is an untold amount of tragedy and suffering that will result from this pandemic, and as many experts are attesting now and will surely later attest, our actions early on could have helped mitigate this pandemic differently. That’s not what I’m talking about here, though. As a result of the SIP orders across our country, I’m intrigued to see how people’s habits change and more than that, if said habits stick. The first two areas that come to mind are diet and exercise. For so long, our society has been known for having sub-par diets (lots of fast food, not enough cooking at home, you know the rest) and for not moving our bodies enough or at all. What a strange experiment we find ourselves in now, though, in that many of us are at home more now than ever before — thus begetting more opportunities to prepare our own food — and one of the only times we’re allowed to leave is to exercise. What’s our health going to look like in six months-year from now? Are we on the verge of having a running boom? Is a baby boom imminent? There are obviously a TON of elements at play here, and much of this is rooted in the various positions of privilege we hold, yet I find it a fascinating thought experiment. Anyone else?  

On occupying time and settling mental unrest: We can’t be doing all work and no play all the time right now, right? What have you been reading/watching/listening to? Here are some that come to mind for us: 

  • Watching: Onward was excellent (didn’t cry, surprisingly, and I love that G is a main character in the film! Different spelling but whatev). Oh, and did you catch that I Heart Radio YouTube special the other night? I specifically told my family we should watch so we could see Billie Joe Armstrong sing, and it was hard not to laugh at all the other artists casually singing over Zoom (or whatever) with their bandmates as they were all sitting in their mega-opulent mansions, private pools, and the like (eyeroll). Hearing and seeing the Backstreet Boys took me straight back to high school! 
  • Reading: I’m on my last library book (that I’m putting off starting), and I don’t enjoy reading e-books, so I thought it was a good time to start the Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s Guide collection. A little reprieve and silliness can go a long way right now. It’s been on our shelf for a long time now, so it seems as good a time as any to start. I typically exclusively read non-fiction, but I think I need a break at the moment.
  • Cooking: Being at home more than usual has meant way more cooking. Recipes I can recall include the Run Fast Eat Slow fartlek chili with tempeh; the Thai coconut carrot soup, cowboy caviar, and roasted eggplant pasta dishes from Budget Bytes; and one pot mujadara, black bean tacos with spicy onions, and mushroom quesadillas from the NYT cooking app. Nothing particularly fancy, but I make it, and then it lasts for days. Win. (Of course, this is in addition to the chocolate chip pancakes, corn dogs, mac and cheese, and other glamorous meals I’ll make because kids). 
  • Coloring (sure): My kids would color all day, so I found this intense coronavirus coloring page for them (intense because it’s so intricate!). As I found this, I went down some rabbithole and learned that apparently Etsy has forbidden vendors from making any sales on COVID or coronavirus-related stuff at all, even if it’s intended for educational purposes. Interesting…    
  • Listening: Every Monday for the foreseeable future, Billie Joe Armstrong is releasing a cover on the Green Day YouTube channel, and they are amazing! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to/watching his video for “I Think We’re Alone Now.” It’s fantastic. 
  • Running: At this point, running just for running’s sake is pretty dang awesome. No marathons on the calendar. No races at all at this point, actually. Happy to simply be building the base and getting strong (209.2 miles/10,180’ climbing for January; 257.8 miles/12,520’ for February; and 251.1 miles/12,428’ climbing for March). That’s a lot of running on this side of town.   

Milestone tomorrow! Nothing like turning the big 4-0 in the midst of a pandemic. While our original plans obviously aren’t happening — returning to SF to see the Book of Mormon for a second time — the girls and I have been scheming for a few weeks as we plan to give C a memorable day. HBD to my main squeeze on Thursday! Raincheck on the musical. 

hard at work for their dad’s birthday

Sending love. I imagine I’m not the only one who feels pretty helpless with all of this going on. Aside from washing my hands prolifically, not going out except for essential activities, and making sure the kiddos do the same, I feel like I have very little to contribute. Instead, I’ve been trying to channel that nervous energy into reaching out to my friends, family, and people in our community to see how everyone’s doing. Again, I’m not changing the world when I text or Duo with my parents or my medical siblings or anything like that, but as a fellow human being, I know that it simply *feels* nice to know that someone is looking out for you and thinking about you. It’s cheesy, but it’s true. Just out of the blue on Sunday, my cousin called me simply to check-in, and it was really nice. A simple gesture like that can go a long way. That’s my unsolicited advice this week: go call or videochat with someone. It may make that person’s day (and yours).  

nine-way Skype HH calls with my BFFs from undergrad (some not pictured). judging from my expression, we were talking about something displeasing. (why didn’t we think of doing this sooner?)

stay safe, and be well. xo