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2019 John Lawson Tamalpa Cross Country Challenge race report – San Rafael, CA

2019 John Lawson Tamalpa Cross Country Challenge race report – San Rafael, CA

The last Sunday in September was this year’s John Lawson Tamalpa Challenge, an approximate 4.2 mile cross country race up in China Camp in San Rafael. This race, the seventh in the PA USATF XC circuit, was one to which many of my teammates affectionately referred as the best — their fav — in the series, so I was definitely looking forward to participating. So much of this XC action this season is brand new to me, and it’s honestly been a blast showing up to run without any firsthand knowledge of what I’m getting myself into.  

In a year, when I think about my experience, about my first time at this XC race or about my first time racing in China Camp, I think I’ll remember less about how poorly I ran or how bad I felt during the race — more on that momentarily — and will instead remember the family behind the race name. As my teammates and I were huddled together at the starting line, a sweet-voiced woman, speaking with what I can only describe as the practiced cadence of a minister, thanked us all for coming to the 24th iteration of the John Lawson event.

She, in fact, was Mrs. John Lawson, and her late husband was a long-time member of the Tamalpa Runners — the organizers of the event — and an avid runner. He was just 44 when he had a massive heart attack and died (and according to his obit, his children were super young at the time), and it was this XC race that I was about to run that had been organized and dedicated in his memory for the past 24 years. She spoke of running with joy and encouraged us to be thankful for the experience and to revel in both the fellowship and friendly competition of the morning. 

at the starting line and ready to roll. I really love this picture. (PC: Isaac)

In my experience, running sure is useful for a lot of stuff in life, and probably chief among them is allowing us — giving us all opportunities and space — to put everything into perspective. Hearing from this woman right before racing was really powerful. Many of us go about our lives operating under the assumption that we’re somewhat invincible, especially because we’re runners — as though that title bestows unto us something magical — but the obvious reality is that we’re not. It sucks to come to this realization, or to otherwise be reminded of it, but it’s important. I mean, c’mon. I had a brain bleed stroke that could have killed me when I was 34. I get it. We are, and life in general is, a lot more fragile and sacred than we sometimes let on. 

Shortly after Ms. Lawson’s words of gratitude and encouragement, we were off. The Lawson Tamalpa course begins on about a ½ mile long slow ascent on a dirt roadway or walkway near Miwok Meadows, passing the finish line and the teams’ staging area in the process, before we ventured into the woods to begin some fun singletrack and switchback action. (The Strava map of the activity is prob my favorite of the series so far!) Most of the course was on pretty narrow singletrack, making it really important that you hold your spot or allow others to pass you as needed. In fact, if the race is about 4.2 miles long, I’d guess that about 3.5 of it is on singletrack, moguls-style trails. I started off comfortably and tried to at least hold my position (or not surrender too many places), but shortly after mile 1 (!), I was beginning to wonder where the 2nd mile marker was because it felt like I had been out there for a while… which is never, ever a good sign. 

As the race continued through the beautiful China Camp singletrack, I felt pretty crappy, basically like I was running on fumes and had n-o-t-h-i-n-g left in the tank for the race. To be fair, my days prior were pretty stressful, since I was solo-parenting for nearly six days (my neighbor did me a solid by coming over at 6:15 a.m. so I could go race), I had a big event on Friday night that I had been planning for over a month and another (smaller) function Saturday morning …yadda yadda yadda… and I was freaking out over the possibility that my iron was shot, thanks to a recent rejection when I went to give blood. Sometimes I can successfully compartmentalize my life, but I think by Sunday morning, I was pretty emotionally and physically tapped. I generally pride myself on staying IN IT when I race, even when things go sideways, but on Sunday, I was ready to be done. I hated that I was feeling that way — and it was in such contrast to my fascination and adoration with the sheer beauty of the course and my utter respect and appreciation for all of Mrs. Lawson’s words that were percolating in my head — but yeah. Ouch. Just one of those days. 

sneaky Isaac in a corner, right around the mile 3 marker, catching me feeling like trash (PC: Isaac)

I saw my teammate Isaac crouched in one of the few places on the course that was wide enough for a spectator and a runner, snapping pics, and seeing him (while laughing to myself that he probably caught me at my worst) was a nice, momentary pick-me-up from the dark, frustrating places my mind was taking me; I’m pretty sure I retired from running in mile 3, FFS. Right after Isaac, there was only a mile left in the race — which admittedly felt hella long, given how I felt — and probably at least five women passed me. I’ve been trying to kick it in hard at the end of these races, but I had nothing left and less-than-no chase to give. The real zinger: I stopped running when I got to the finish chute, when I thought I had finished, and it wasn’t until a nice PA official woman in front of me implored me to KEEP GOING! that I realized I had stopped about 1 ½ steps away from the finish line. ::dammit::

finishing the thing, right before I stopped when I thought I finished the thing (d’oh) (PC: Alex)

It took me only a second to realize my mistake — and thankfully, no other women passed me in my stupidity — but damn! I’ve been racing forever, and I don’t think I’ve ever made that mistake before. First time for everything. That probably shows how tired and out of it I was more than anything, egads. 

Shortly after finishing, I joined most of the gals for what was supposed to be a long cool-down (originally 7 or so miles to get a 15 mile day), but I went from feeling bad to terrible, and I called it after 5 and change. I felt guilty about being gone from my kids (always), I had no energy, I kept tripping and almost-eating-shit; I was basically a hot mess, quickly devolving into a disaster waiting to happen. The contrast to what I was feeling (so bad!) to what I was seeing (so beautiful! so awesome!) couldn’t have been comically sharper. I was so grateful to be out there, doing this type of running, this type of racing, in this type of environment, but I finished the morning feeling just completely defeated. It was one of *those* types of glorious race days. 

Of course, a little distance and a lot of perspective makes the whole ordeal sorta comical 48 hours later — we all have shitty race days, at some point or another — but in the thick of it, it’s hard not to catastrophize, and it’s basically impossible to see the forest for the trees. And really, all told, my average pace at Lawson Tamalpa wasn’t all that different from what I’ve been posting at all these other 3-4mi (and change) XC courses, even though they all vary widely in terrain and elevation. As it turns out, I’m human after all, and sometimes life or whatever seeps into racing. Good thing there are always other races and that running is so much more than mere racing to me. Mrs. Lawson’s words reminded me as much. 

shitty day at the office be damned, though, bc there’s something just magical about running for and with a team and a purpose larger than yourself (PC: WRC)

This weekend will be a short reprieve from XC, since there’s a half marathon on the PA calendar instead, so I’ll be back with my typical XC bantering in a couple weeks’ time. (And in the interim, for next week’s post, I have to think of something to write. Suggestions welcome!) There are just a few more XC races left on the calendar, so local friends, as usual, here’s your open invite to join us at one of the remaining races. 🙂      

2019 Garin Park XC Challenge race recap – Hayward, CA

2019 Garin Park XC Challenge race recap – Hayward, CA

Suffering is optional, I thought as I tried to haul ass up one of the many hills that constitute the Garin cross-country course. But if I’m not having fun, then it’s really not worth doing, as I tried to pick up some turnover on a downhill and leapfrog in front of the other women in my immediate vicinity. If I’m going to spend money to run, this is what I want to be doing right now. 

having fun and working hard: mandatory. suffering: optional. (PC: Isaac)

Last weekend was the sixth event in the PA USATF cross country series, the 15th Annual Garin Park XC Challenge, up in Hayward in the east bay. As I wrote last year when I ran Garin for the first time, runners love to hate on this course. Compared to others in the circuit, the Garin course can be pretty brutal because among other characteristics, the course is hillier than most in the series, and it’s completely exposed, leaving runners pretty vulnerable to the typically hot and dry weather. Other fun elements include starting and finishing in a field riddled with gopher holes. Combining all those aspects to the backdrop of oh shit this is a 5k; I’m supposed to be going fast, and it can make for a brutal, unenjoyable experience if you let it. 

If you let it, however, is the operative phrase. 

My previous posts for the past ~five weeks have probably clued you in to my goal of racing every single XC event this fall, really for no other reason than why not. In the absence of devoting my late summer and autumn to training for a fall marathon, racing XC has allowed me to shake things up a bit and simply show up and run however my body allows me to run that day. I’m running consistently each week but have only begun doing workouts in the past couple weeks, so I don’t delude myself into thinking that I’m necessarily in fantastic shape. Hell, given the impressive depth of the women’s PA field, on a good day, I finish around the 55th percentile. Sometimes, it’s closer to the 45th, and I don’t even place high enough to score points for my team. None of that particularly matters to me right now, however. 

I show up — and I continue to show up — because I can and because all snarkiness aside, it really is pretty fun to work hard. 

circa mile 1.25 or so, off the first big hill and beginning to ascend the second (PC: Roy)

If I finish any of these XC races satisfied with my effort — regardless of how fast or slowly I ran — then I’m happy. That is both the beginning and the end of the story.

Everything about Garin ‘19 was the same was Garin ‘18: same course, same starting area, same everything, with one exception: Garin ‘18 gave us a cooler and foggier morning, whereas Garin ‘19 began warm and only got warmer. I didn’t even bother looking at my ‘18 finish time prior to racing on Saturday because all things considered, it didn’t really matter. I’m not racing against last year’s version of me; I’m simply running right here, right now, and focusing on today. 

here we go, here we go again (PC: Roy)

Fortunately, our team fielded  full women’s and men’s teams (with some extras), which made the race day morning even more fun than usual simply because I really dig my teammates and enjoy their company. The ladies and I trotted out a brief and easy 2 mile warm-up along part of the 5k course, and before too long, it was time to run fast over that notorious gopher hole-pocked field and through the hills along the ridgeline. 

I was pretty slow to get off the starting line — see the aforementioned there are holes in the ground everywhere mention — but I felt like I was picking up steam as the race wore on. As has been the norm with these XC races, I tended to stay in the same general area of the race and simply leapfrog back-and-forth with women in my vicinity. Seeing some of my male teammates, whose race wouldn’t begin for another 40 minutes or so, distributed throughout the course was definitely a fun pick-me-up because most of them know what it feels like to run Garin, so they know that a quick good job, keep it up can go a long way, mentally, when you’re feeling like you’re laying it all out there running up a hill (or three). 

off the starting line, through the gopher field, and heading for the hills (PC: Roy)

By the beginning of the 2nd mile, when we were beginning our descent and return toward the starting area, I really tried to let things fly and open up my stride. The course’s first and final half mile is nearly flat (gopher holes be damned), so once I got off the hillside, I tried to channel that forward momentum and work hard toward the finish line. (My Garmin data indicated that around the 20 minute mark, my pace picked up to a ~mid-4/5:30 effort, which at least verifies that I was working as hard as I felt I was working! I’ve been trying to close hard and fast on these races, so looking at the data has been super fascinating, in true runnerd fashion). 

I’m behind Janet and Heather here (around the bend in the pic), but man, I love this course for the views, if nothing else! (PC: Isaac)

I was trying to make it back in time for a local swim meet, so I kept my cool-down pretty short and stopped partway through to cheer for the open men’s race with Claire. It wasn’t until I got home and compared the data to ‘18 that I saw that I ran ‘19 nearly :75 slower, to which I simply shrugged. I was running and training differently at this time in ‘18 than I am now, in ‘19, so it would reason that I’d be posting comparably different times now, too. 

the view from mile 2 onward (during the men’s race)
descending past mile 2 and onward to the finish! (PC: Roy)

The conversations I have with my teammates are similar to what I have with my eight year-old: what matters most isn’t how fast you are (or I am, in this circumstance) compared to the field. What’s more important is simply showing up, working hard, and not giving up when it gets tough. That’s what you’ll remember, not the time you posted on any given day. Putting myself in the rather uncomfortable-but-fun environment of racing short stuff, a la cross country, is something that I wouldn’t have done at any other point in my recent running history, but I can do it right now, so I am. I have no doubt it’s making me a better runner, and while I may not “see” the results manifest tomorrow, I’ve no doubt they will. All these miles become a part of my story, and it’s exciting to imagine where it may lead. 

the Wolfpack ladies at Garin, plus Lisa’s pups (PC: Roy)

(Again: my weekly invite to local runners to come play cross-country with us! This weekend it’s Tamalpa, which I’ve heard is the best in the series. See you Sunday?!)  

The Garin squads (men’s and women’s open teams) (PC: Roy)